Journals84
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I'm Pretty Dead Here
1 min read
Hey hi I'm 25 in a few days
And I haven't written on this site in FOUR YEARS.........
Let it be known that I am WAY more active on Tumblr ( hadoriel.tumblr.com and daniellerogersart.tumblr.com ) and Twitter ( @ Hadoriel )
AND I have my own portfolio website now ( danielle-rogers.com )
Still don't have a job though so... If you have job... I can job?
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Officially an animation major
1 min read
WOO
So uh today is really cold so I didn't wanna take more bus rides than need be. I've been sitting around in the college center for five hours, bouncing between internet shenanigans, drawing and working on an English assignment due tomorrow
I figured since I don't need much done today I would just go declare my major
And wowee that was easy
So I'm now an animation major!!
I don't think I actually said here, however I'm sure 95% of the people viewing this are real life friends, but I did return to MCAD a few weeks ago. My appeal was accepted and I'm very glad to be back. It's a little tough organizing my time around a bus schedule, but I'm sure I can handle it yes
I'll be posting stuff here most likely as the semester goes on nod nod
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Thoughts Upon Turning Twenty
5 min read
So uh it was my twentieth birthday on Wednesday. It's really hard to believe I've lived for two decades already. Of course, nothing feels any different, it's just weird to not consider myself a teenager anymore
I suppose this is kinda meant to be similar to a New Year's post, in that I'm kinda being thoughtful about my past year and what I hope for the future
In general, I think I've grown up a lot in the past year. I remember last year being severely lonely on my birthday and sad that only one person really remembered it. I was pretty darn depressed about feeling as if I lacked friends and was really bad at everything I tried in school. Frustrated, too, about not understanding how to get work done at the time
This time last year I was just starting to feel a little better about my own social life, as I had been invited to a pie party and it was super fun. I was also a few weeks into the therapist sessions and starting to feel more comfortable there. School still wasn't going so great otherwise, though
Obviously a lot of things have happened; getting a boyfriend, having my appeal rejected, massive depression, months of idleness, attending a new school in the summer and getting an apartment, to name a few
Though I've covered a lot of that previously and if you're actually reading this you've probably been aware of my personal life
I'm very glad I still have a super cute and supportive boyfriend and our year anniversary is coming up at the end of the month. I don't know how far I would be without him helping me through things, especially at the beginning of the year. I'm also really glad I've learned so much about myself and how to do things I never knew just a year ago. I've really had a bumpy ride but a lot of things have been learned and I hope others see that, too
Art-wise, I've been in a slump the past few months. Last year around this time I had mostly stopped doodling digitally to get used to Photoshop and was frustrated with my low grades for being 'too narrative' in my work. I remember I was getting comfortable with action poses for the first time, which is hard to believe since I do those all the time now. It's also hard to believe I was struggling so badly with my drawing class, partly for not knowing the materials whatsoever. I, of course, still understand it, though
I worked on some animation during my terrible idle time early in the year. I'm glad I did. I wish I could work on that stuff now, but the motivation is lacking. I don't have assignments prodding me to work on something and do my best. Every time I try to draw something not in class or a doodle, I get frustrated 'cause thoughts of how uncertain my future is fill my head and I get upset. I recall back in late high school I got in these moods once in a while. Never lasting as long as this one, but because of the same uncertain feeling. I can't say I'm unfamiliar with it, but it is very annoying
This weekend I'll be going home for the first time in a month and Brandon will be seeing it for the first time ever. Planning on celebrating my birthday, of course haha
Hopefully my midterms go well enough, as well as school in general. At the end of the month I hope to be helping with a Halloween party... I hope??
Then Thanksgiving stuff and Christmas
In November I'll likely be starting to work on my appeal again. I need that done by mid-December. Along with plans in case it gets rejected again
Otherwise lately it's been ups and downs, as usual. Visiting Brandon often feels amazing and I really hope I can help more than harm his work time. I've been getting comfortable with charcoal again, though we're almost done using it as a main material in class apparently. I've also been getting comfortable with acrylic paint and think I've found part of my painting style, which is a lot of finger smudging for blending. Art history I have the same feeling about as I did when I took the first part of it last year. World religions has been a mess of a class and I somehow became one of the leaders of one of the two groups for midterms so whoops
I think I should be able to get As and maybe a B no problem this semester, if I keep this up. This school lacks any challenge, though. It feels as if I'm in high school but actually doing homework when it's there
Otherwise I've mostly been spending time sitting around in my apartment. It's pretty lonely here, which is another reason why I like hanging out on MCAD's campus
I also really appreciate that I haven't really fallen out of any friendships I made there. I really wish I had classes with them once again, but when I see people on campus there and they say hello I get really happy that people remember me
Um but yeah most days are much better than they were some months ago but I really, really do miss stuff I took for granted this time last year
I hope twenty is a good year for me, yet I don't want to jinx it. Twenty is a nice, round number, at least
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I Am 60% Cute??
3 min read
I haven't done one of these things in forever but this one caught my eye I guess
Basics:
[x] = You have blue/green eyes.
[ ] = You blush a lot. (I don't think I ever have)
[x] = You giggle. (I guess??)
[ ] = You're quiet. (Pfft haha)
[x] = You say random silly things. (??Sure??)
[x] = You have a baby face. (Gonna apparently look fifteen forever ye)
[ ] = You wear a more down to earth style of clothing. (I don't know what this means)
[x] = You don't wear halter tops or anything too showy.
[x] = You're under 5 feet 6 inches tall. (Like 5' 3" or something)
TOTAL: 6
Innocence:
[x] = You're a virgin. (How does this make me cute I dunno)
[ ] = Just thinking of sexual things makes you blush. (????)
[ ] = Your idea of a date is really romantic. (Video games????)
[ ] = You sleep with a stuffed animal.
[x] = You like to cuddle. (Apparently lol)
[x] = You've never played The Nervous Game. (What)
[x] = You don't even know what The Nervous Game is.
TOTAL: 10
Colors:
[ ] = You like the color pink/light blue.
[ ] = You tend to wear bright/girly colors.
TOTAL: 10
Personality:
[ ] = You can be ignorant/oblivious. (I remember referring to myself as AKY in old weeb terms, but basically I like to think of myself as aware even when I don't seem so)
[ ] = You'd consider yourself shy.
[x] = You like happy upbeat music. (Any kind of upbeat music I guess)
[ ] = You like "cutesy" music. (????)
TOTAL: 11
What YOU think is cute:
[x] = You like small animals. (Most of the time)
[ ] = You like babies a lot. (HAha no)
[x] = Small/mini versions of things make you go "Awww"
TOTAL: 13
Trust:
[x] = You know when somebody lies. (Comes with the territory of friendship in public school I guess)
[x] = You had to use a calculator to know the percent on this meme. (Bad at math = Cute????)
[ ] = One of your friends told you to make this.
[ ] = You just realized this was made for girls. (Boys are cute too come on)
GRAND TOTAL: 15
Multiply how many you got by 4.
Oh lol apparently I'm not really that cute according to this
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Closer And Closer Yeah
3 min read
So I've been realizing how quick time is going and how in less than a week Detour will be happening. Two and a half months until school starts again. Two weeks until I get a bike and look at apartments. Eight months until I write my appeal
It's really surprising how in January I thought time was gonna be really slow. It was, at least in that month and part of February, but ever since March it's zoomed by gosh
I need to start telling myself just to get things done, though. I've been struggling with that. Now it seems like there's so much to get done and the days just go by so quickly that I can't finish it all. But honestly how am I gonna tackle school again if I can't handle the measly amount of work I have to do now? Really, all I have to do is sew up a quick skirt, finish packing for Detour, pack a little more for my apartment and do the roughs for my animation. Not much compared to the people I see at MCAD working on finals now
I guess I'm starting to build up more confidence, though. Just barely, but noticeable. I was really backtracking on myself early this week, as in questioning the decisions I've made the last month or two, but I've started to re-solidify myself on the things I decided now. I think I'm going in the right direction. I sure hope so, at very least. I think going right back to a school as soon as I could was a good choice, even if I was limited to local community colleges. Getting a permit was good, too. Same with glasses. The only thing I think I'm still frightened about is if I can succeed and put effort into what I do. If I can stop mostly failing, you know? I think I want to start dedicating myself to a few things. However I want to always be open for most new things, of course
I'm feeling pretty stable and solid at the moment, so I hope I can stay like this for a bit
I just want to succeed for once. Know what I want to do. Prove that I can do it
I can if I do the right things. I just hope I can do those right things
It's really surprising how in January I thought time was gonna be really slow. It was, at least in that month and part of February, but ever since March it's zoomed by gosh
I need to start telling myself just to get things done, though. I've been struggling with that. Now it seems like there's so much to get done and the days just go by so quickly that I can't finish it all. But honestly how am I gonna tackle school again if I can't handle the measly amount of work I have to do now? Really, all I have to do is sew up a quick skirt, finish packing for Detour, pack a little more for my apartment and do the roughs for my animation. Not much compared to the people I see at MCAD working on finals now
I guess I'm starting to build up more confidence, though. Just barely, but noticeable. I was really backtracking on myself early this week, as in questioning the decisions I've made the last month or two, but I've started to re-solidify myself on the things I decided now. I think I'm going in the right direction. I sure hope so, at very least. I think going right back to a school as soon as I could was a good choice, even if I was limited to local community colleges. Getting a permit was good, too. Same with glasses. The only thing I think I'm still frightened about is if I can succeed and put effort into what I do. If I can stop mostly failing, you know? I think I want to start dedicating myself to a few things. However I want to always be open for most new things, of course
I'm feeling pretty stable and solid at the moment, so I hope I can stay like this for a bit
I just want to succeed for once. Know what I want to do. Prove that I can do it
I can if I do the right things. I just hope I can do those right things
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